Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
