I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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