i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
