Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your cock deserves a montage
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
