How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
