the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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