Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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