God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
