I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
