Pappa wants mamma naked
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
