I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
