tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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