thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
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I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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