I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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