Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
