Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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