I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
