you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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