But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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