The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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