So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
