make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
