I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize