You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
