So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NoShamevember. You game?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
