He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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