I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
