Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
