But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
