my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He shit in the fireplace
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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