toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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