Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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