So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
