Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
