the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
