Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
