cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
