don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
