we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
