oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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