ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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