we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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