Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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