You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
