I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
How external is "for external use only"?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
