I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
