I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
