I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
