When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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