Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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