Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
