I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
