Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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