covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
