She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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