my phone needs a breathalizer
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
