Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
