And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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