i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?