i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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