Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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