I think I won the penis lottery.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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