Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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